Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
