so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm at about main and main street
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
