my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
