So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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