I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
