what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
