Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
