just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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