Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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