you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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