Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
