You can't motorboat a personality
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
