I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize