I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
