dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
