I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
