I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
