He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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