it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
