The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
