You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
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