I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
