Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
