Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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