I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Well I just put wine in my tea
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
