I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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