hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
