Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
