I'm gonna have a badass scar
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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