Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
