I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
