Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
