There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
it glows. i had to have it.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
