I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
