I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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