Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
