Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize