My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
