you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
