you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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