Umm I'm too high to move.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
