yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
