I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize
