You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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