First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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