I feel great
I just peed on a car
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
