some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize