i don't like sucking hair
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
