do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
