I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
