I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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