I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
