you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
