you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize