dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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