Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
lets start a swedish sibling band together
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
