Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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