After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
