brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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