I'm really into asian looking animals
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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