Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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