I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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