gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
