i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
