and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
It was like giving head to a cactus.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
