so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
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