I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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