Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize