im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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