It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
